A Study in Prayer, Part #6 of 6

Repentance, My Testimoney

One of the most profound life's moments was sitting in my Doctor office as he  vocalize these harsh words, “You got cancer.”  Upon hearing this statement my whole life outlook changed and went spinning out of control.  It  was a death sentence of a type and you are acutely aware that the majority of those who hear these words will eventually die from the disease.  Survival becomes that as of a man drowning and the people on the bank are shouting swim.  Only when a young man stepped into the water and began walking towards the drowning man did he realize the depth of his situation.   I make this assessment based upon my personal experience, and there are few pastors, ministers or churches prepared to minister to this condition.  A steady diet of prayer will take your mind on the situation for a while but late at night when you are alone sometime talking to God can leave a person feeling as if God does not hear their prayers, especially if someone they know who are suffering from the same illness has just passed on.  This is a situation or a condition that many will not admit to because there is more glory in speaking of what God has done rather than testifying what God has not done.  The indoctrination of Christianity does not allow for one to speak in the negative about what God is or is not doing. 

The power of prayer is tossed about so freely that many fail to comprehend the power of prayer.  It is the definition of prayer that suffers.  Now I know I am about to (colloquial expression) step into hot water but here goes.  My first prayer was something like this, Father you know my condition, I ask you to rebuke this cancer and heal my body.  Heal me Lord.  (Then I gave credit for my sickness to the Devil) Satan the Lord rebuke you, you are a lying wonder.  Now this would surely put the Devil to flight, Satan I command you in the name of Jesus to take your hands off me.  The sad part of this is all the while I was praying  In my mind's eye I could see Jesus standing with his back to me.  If I had prayed that prayer at church out loud, (in my James Brown voice) I could have turned the church out.  The truth of the situation was God did not answer this (so-called) prayer.

Approximately two years before being diagnosed with cancer I had suffered a heart attack, all alone in my computer shop.  For two hours I lay there on the floor of my shop and during that time I suffered what was called an out-of-body experience.  I believe I died and was transported to the very Gates of Hell. I later did an audio recording that is available at, www.prophecyandrevelation.org it is called “Two hours in hell.” My journey back was by the grace of God through a solemn prayer in which I learned the power of repentance.  When I attempted to speak of my experience I was looked upon as if I was touched.  I later learned that many people have had these experiences but was made to feel shame  or stupid to speak of them.   Paul spoke of his experience in 2 Corinthians 12:2 he said, “ I knew a man in Christ above fourteen years ago, (whether in the body, I cannot tell; or whether out of the body, I cannot tell: God knoweth;) such an one caught up to the third heaven.”  The difference between Paul and me was, Paul had a glimpse of Heaven, I had a glimpse of Hell.  Once discharged from the Hospital with a clean bill of health I soon forgot the promises I had made.

When the cancer diagnosis was made all of my commitments and promises began to surface.  I was a sinner and the promises I had made to the father had been cast aside and now facing a life threatening situation I was begging God to intervene.  Through this ordeal I was taught a lesson and through this lesson I learn the meaning of prayer and how to pray.  Another thing I learned from my struggle is that we are spoon fed a literal diet of God's love and Him saying yes to all of our request if we seek him.  This is not entirely  true.  There are times when God turns his back to us because he does not like to stare at our sin and He wait for us to enter the proper form of repentance.   When the spirit and soul become one with the Holy Spirit then a conversation  is initiated, This and only this  is prayer.  As Paul stated in Romans 3:23  For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;  It became clear why Jesue began his ministry  in Matthew 3:2  And saying, Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.  Therefore, there is a repentance clause in the Lord’s prayer. 

True repentance is always accompanied by sorrow. It has been said by some of those of modern times who disparage repentance that repentance is "nothing but a change of mind." These words sound as if there was merely some superficial meaning to them; and so, indeed, they are intended by those who use them, but they are not so intended by the Spirit of God. Repentance may be and is a change of mind; but what a change it is! It is not an unimportant change of mind such as you may have concerning whether you will take your holiday this week or the next, or about some trifling matter of domestic interest; but it is a change of the whole heart, of the love, of the hate, of the judgment, and the view of things taken by the individual whose mind is thus changed. It is a deep, radical, fundamental, lasting change; and you will find that, whenever you meet with it in Scripture, it is always accompanied with sorrow for past sin. And rest you assured of this fact, that the repentance which has no tear in its eye, and no mourning for sin in its heart, is a repentance which needs to be repented of, for there is no evidence of conversion, no sign of the existence of the grace of God. In what way has that man changed his mind who is not sorry that he has sinned? In what sense can it be said that he has undergone any change worth experiencing if he can look back upon his past life with pleasure, or look upon the prospect of returning to his sin without an inward loathing and disgust

I say again that we have need to stand in doubt of that repentance which is not accompanied with mourning for sin; and even when Christ is clearly seen by faith, and sin is pardoned, and the man knows that it is forgiven, he does not cease to mourn for sin. Nay, brethren, his mourning becomes deeper as his knowledge of his guilt becomes greater; and his hatred of sin grows in proportion as he understands that love of Christ by which his sin is put away. In true believers, mourning for sin is chastened and sweetened, and, in one sense, the fang of bitterness is taken out; but, in another sense, the more we realize our indebtedness to God's grace, and the more we see of the sufferings of Christ in order to our redemption, the more do we hate sin, and the more do we lament that we ever fell into it. I am sure it is so, and that every Christian's experience will confirm what I say.  In the words of today, can you feel me?

Remember Jesus message, "Repent for the Kingdom of God is at hand".