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| Earl Gillespie |
A Test Of Faith
It is fitting that after a pause for reflection and tributes to those who have passed on, we return to our daily task. The hardest part of accepting and dealing with pain is the sadness of the situation when much of the pain and grief that a soul is enduring is caused by those who profess a Godly faith and love. As Solomon exercise care and concern in his consultation and condemnation, religious leaders should ascribe to achieve that same attitude. To condemn or even offer consultation without gathering all of the facts is destructive to all parties involved. The condemnation of a suffering soul based upon untrues and irreverent acts by those who suppose to be messengers of God, this is truly a test of faith. The truth is debased and become nothing but what ever opinion that is formed with one mine that bring peace to one's inner longings.
Over the past year Bible study blogging has become a part of my daily routine, but during my recent moment of grief, I ceased to function as a Bible study blogger and I must admit that for the past two weeks I have endured a severe test of my faith. The action of certain people within the household of faith has even forced me to question the things that I believe in. In some instances I have been forced to question my own sanity. A truth is, if we all believed in the things we openly testify off, the pain that many of us endure would not exist. In this blog I intend to make a full disclosure of my test, hoping that someone's faith might be strengthened by my confession and in the process I might find a deeper level of faith and peace. Our conditioning and religious indoctrination do not provide the space for the open acknowledgment of the weakness of our faith, yet it is a secret condition that many suffer and endure. It is also the reason that many fall by the wayside, or pretend to walk the walk of faith.
The religious right and the pious pretenders will quickly proclaim, "all you got to do is pray and give it to Jesus and he will work it out." For some reason that statement reminds me of the man standing on the river bank shouting to the drowning man, "swim, swim, all you got to do is swim." Both statements are true, yet, why would Ecclesiastes in his illustrations of Godly wisdom proclaimed that there is a time and a season for everything?
There are truths that the religious right refuses to acknowledge, and there are acknowledgements of revelations from God that is in error, yet God does not err. There are prophecies going forward that are in error, yet they claim to have the seal of God. God's people are being tormented by the shepherds of his flock. It was only fitting that God spoke in 1 Kings 16:2 Forasmuch as I exalted thee out of the dust, and made thee prince over my people Israel, and thou hast walked in the way of Jeroboam, and hast made my people Israel to sin, to provoke me to anger with their sins; In the book of Jeremiah 23:32 , God said, "Behold, I am against them that prophesy false dreams, saith the LORD, and do tell them, and cause my people to err by their lies, and by their lightness; yet I sent them not, nor commanded them: therefore they shall not profit this people at all, saith the LORD." It is clear of what God was speaking of in both of those verses. The so-called leaders had perverted the message, they had shaped the truth and the message had become self-serving.
There is a need to examine ourself and as stated in James 5:16, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." A confession must be based upon the truth and nothing but the real truth as it applies to all, therefore I am tempted to resort to using real names and real places in my hope that I will get somebody's attention. If I do, I shall attempt to be as tactful as possible, but how can a person be tactful when attempting to deal with sixty one years of lies? Lies that have been repeated so many times that even God fearing ministers are buying into them and using the Word of God to chastise and convict the victim of a blatant case of sibling rivalry. How can I be tactful when I have spent years and years of living in turmoil. Again, you will tell me to pray and let God work it out. How did God handle the situation when Jobs friends misjudged him? He let them continue until that day of reckoning? Take no thought of those who are deceived? How can I be tactful when my Christian faith hinges upon how all of this is going to play out when we stand before God. Will God understand when the minister says, "I don't like my brother because my mother and father thought more of him than they did me when I was a child?"
There is another form of rivalry that is just as deadly and it exist within the church. Somewhere between the whooping and hollering, there is the desire to be on the radio or television and be the greatest superstar. When I said we need to build our Sunday School, why would a church member practicing the love of God response, "don't nobody want to hear you teach." When in an open church meeting after the death of a prominent member I stood and said, "the church need to reclaim it vision, why would I be condemned and told by a practicing Christian, "The church is dying, but if you'll want to build a bonfire in the middle of the floor and invite people to come and watch, I will be glad to write letters." Why, when I said to my brother a practicing minister, "Brother don't let those people get to you, people will drive you crazy if you let them", his response was, Who are you calling crazy? "You are the one who is crazy" The explosive encounter was herald as my fault as I sought to defend my statement and myself to two ministers of God.
There has been several occasions I have stood before a Judge in a Court of Law and swore to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, on each occasion I confessed to a crime that I didn't commit. In one instance, people in the right places knew it was a set up, but proving it was a set up would be expensive and the odds of winning would be against me. It became a matter of simple survival, cop a plea and go home, or declare your innocence, post bail and show up on trial day. Through these cases I learned the cost of not standing up for yourself, even though the cost might be high. For many years I held my peace, I ran from confrontation while every aspect of my life was turned into a freak and my life became a sideshow spectacle. The pain and suffering of my military experience, my bouts with depression and drugs (legal and illegal), my broken marriage, and soon the , "I told you he was crazy syndrome", began to take its toll.
Living a thirty minute drive from my family home, I neglected to attend family reunions and other family functions. A simple visit became a painful experience. My younger brother had grown up to take the place of the older ones who had left home, and it seems as if someone had rewritten the history of my early years. Standing in the street after an explosive encounter with my brother, my nephew tried to explain to me why my brother hated me. These are his words. This is his story:
Growing up on the farm, your mother and father cared more for you that they did for Pops. Anything you wanted they bought it for you, and you were allowed to get away with things, whereas he would get whippings for the least little thing. They would keep Pops out of school and make him work while you went to school and that's why you graduated ahead of him. He had to work while you played and never took life seriously. When you graduated from High school, they sent you off to college and you got a college degree. They just wasted their money on you. Pops feel that if they had done the same for him he could have done more with his life. When I responded with, son, you don't know me", he replied, "yes I do, my mother said it is true."
The above statement is nothing but shaped truths and lies designed to justify one's own behavior and villianify the other. More than sixty years have passed since the days of little brothers going to school together, fighting and getting each other in trouble. Now the truth has been shaped and the telling and retelling of this shaped truth has tainted the memory of the people I came in contact with growing up.
Today the prophet writes, "Earl, I have a word of prophecy for you today that is designed to create greater possibilities for success and wholeness in your life even when you’re faced with difficult situations that look hopeless. How? Because all possibilities remain with God through the power of faith and belief. Earl, I ask that you trust me today because today,
Click on this link now to sow a simple seed offering of $37.00 because you are only a phone call away from knowing what you really should know about in this season. Sow your $37.00 seed right now and this is what you will receive when you believe the Prophet."
Today I must endure a test of faith...
To be continued in part 2
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